They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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