I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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