Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
