why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
