somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
