walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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