Kareoke will never be a sober sport
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
