We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
