The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
