At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
