First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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