If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize