my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
