is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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