he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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