she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
