I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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