The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
