im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize