Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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