Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
