Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize