You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
