I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize