I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
