I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
