You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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