I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Will exercising make me less horny?
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