Cold hands, warm shart.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
