As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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