Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
