so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
