Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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