Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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