I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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