My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
