Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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