I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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