i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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