you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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