I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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