I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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