I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
