I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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