You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
