So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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