I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
