I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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