I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
