did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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