he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
even my farts smell like vagina
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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