When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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