So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
