You really coming over, don't trick.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
