Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
