so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
