Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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