All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
