She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
