she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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