So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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