Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
