I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
