friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
