saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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