I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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