Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
