I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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