your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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