The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
