i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize