I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
