from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Boobs speak an international language.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
