Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
